


Blame American Pie

by wickedthoughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Come Eating, Food, Food Sex, Masturbation, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:20:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2138487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedthoughts/pseuds/wickedthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean fucks a burger. That's it, that's the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame American Pie

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I do instead of working on things I actually should be doing.
> 
> spnkink-meme prompt* originally posted there
> 
> If the idea of someone unknowingly eating a burger full of someone else's come squicks you, that happens in this.
> 
> Addendum 6/20/2015: I found [this comic](http://poorlydrawnlines.com/comic/cheeseburger/) and thought it was applicable. Heh.

* * *

Dean has wanted to try this since he was twenty.

It had never been the right time, though. Living in close quarters with his dad and little brother meant he’d had very little time to experiment with the logistics of this particular fantasy. And he'd always known it had to be special, one he made himself, not some wilted product of a fast-food establishment.

The fantasy took a back seat to other, more pressing concerns in the years that followed. But not anymore. Now, Dean has his own kitchen. Now, although the fate of the world does still rest on his broad shoulders, he’s going to take a breather and fulfill one of his youthful fantasies.

Thirteen years from when he first conceived the notion, Dean Winchester is finally going to make and then fuck the perfect burger.

There’s a half a pound of ground beef in the burger, a generous amount of orange cheddar cheese melted over-top of it. It’s adorned with all the trimmings. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, ketchup, mustard, and Dean’s selected a large potato bun to hold his creation together. It’s soft, but tough. He’d thought about adding bacon, but decides against it at the last minute. No need to fly too close to the sun here.

Dean beholds his masterpiece, standing before it as it sits atop a blue plastic dinner plate on the kitchen counter. He’s already stiffening in his pants, has been since the meat started to sizzle in the grill pan, but he needs to wait for it to cool before the main event. Dean’s little head might do most of the thinking for him, but it ain’t dumb. Nothing to ruin a good fuck like second degree burns on your dick. He’s waited thirteen years for this moment, he can wait a little longer. Sam and Cas have left the Bunker to do the week’s grocery shopping and Dean knows that it will be at least a few hours before they return. Sam always has to read every damn label and Cas- well, grocery shopping with Cas is always an adventure. If he’s not sticking his head in the freezer, he’ll be attempting to set the lobster tank free. Dean will have plenty of privacy here for awhile.

When the anticipation threatens to send his heart bursting _Alien_ -style from his chest, Dean carefully sticks his right index finger into the center of the burger. He gasps at how hot and wet it feels. Not burning, just right, and the toppings and condiments have been warmed to perfection. He gives a little moan and his cock presses uncomfortably against his thigh, trapped by his jeans as it engorges with blood. He yanks his finger out and hurriedly sucks it clean before he’s fumbling with the button of his fly, unzipping, and pulling his jeans and boxers down just below the tight rounds of his balls. His cock springs up to freedom and it’s already so hard he doesn’t even bother to pump it with his hand. He carefully but firmly holds the large, perfect burger in both hands and lowers it to his crotch. Dean takes a deep breath, the culmination of years of fantasy about to see fruition, and encases his erection in the cheeseburger.

“Oh- oh fuckin’ yes!”

It feels so good, hot and juicy, and Dean grips the burger tightly around his cock and thrusts into it. The burger’s a little mushed now, but the structural integrity holds and Dean has a few seconds of pride in his craftsmanship before all his thoughts are consumed with the overpowering need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of the bread-enclosed slab of meat in his hands. He slams his hips forward and backward, feeling the irregular grooves of the beef patty catching on his glans, the wet heat of the ketchup and mustard sliding along his shaft, and the warm sensation of the vegetables stroking him. His balls hit the supple underside of the bun with every thrust. There’s no one around, and Dean allows himself to be as vocal as he feels.

“Oh god- oh god- oh god!”

“Fuck me, so good!”

“Oh fuck, yes, please god, yes!”

He doesn’t last long. Luckily it doesn’t matter. When your partner’s a hamburger there’s really no need to try and impress them. His rhythmic pounding becomes erratic and stuttering, and then he’s gripping the burger even tighter than before, fingertips leaving indentations in the bun, and coming into it with a deep, wordless yell. He grunts it all out, hips spasming, until his bowed legs buckle and he finds himself on his knees. Dean holds his cock inside the burger until he gains control of his breathing. He pulls out and rises shakily to his feet, stumbling in his jeans and boxers that are still bunched awkwardly around his thighs. He places the manhandled burger back on its plate, grinning idiotically at it.

“Hope that was as good for you as it was for me, sweetheart.”

Dean goes to pull his pants up, but realizes his hands are covered in meat juices, ketchup, and his own come. He glances quickly at the kitchen door before he licks himself clean, slowly, relishing the mingled taste of himself and the burger. He wipes off his cock and balls with his hand and uses his tongue to get rid of the evidence. Then he reclothes, zips, and adjusts himself. He’s still grinning like a maniac.

“Nah, don’t call me. I’ll call you,” Dean rakishly tells the burger with a wink.

He stumbles out of the kitchen, fully intending to go to his room, get a change of clothes and head to the shower, but he only makes it as far as the couch before he’s sprawling onto it and falling into a deep, satisfied sleep.

*

Dean awakens an indeterminable amount of time later to the sound of arguing voices. He blinks in bleary confusion. It sounds like Sam and Cas are back from the store and debating something in the kitchen and- oh shit! Did he clean up enough from his earlier, uh, adventure?

He rushes to the kitchen just in time to see his little brother taking a bite of the jizz-filled burger. Cas is watching with a slightly petulant look on his rugged face. They both turn to Dean when he enters and Dean hopes he manages to hide his look of devilish amusement.

“Hey, Dean, what’s up?” Sam says through his mouthful of burger. A little dribble of pink-tinged fluid leaks out of the corner of his mouth. Dean wishes he could look away.

“Uh, n-nothin’ Sam. Yeah, uh-”

Sam mistakes the motivation for Dean’s staring.

“Oh, sorry, was this yours?”

Dean snickers and Cas looks at him curiously. Dean shakes his head.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was mine, but I shouldn’ta left it lyin’ around I guess.”

“Nope,” Sam takes another bite. “Finders keepers.”

“Yeah, so what- uh, what were you two arguing about?”

“Oh, Cas wanted the burger, too. But I saw it first.”

Sam shrugs. Dean congratulates himself on not bursting out laughing.

“We could have shared it,” Cas grumps.

“That’s okay, Cas. We’ll make some more for dinner tonight and- wait, do you even need to eat?”

“No,” Cas glares. “But I like to, anyway, Dean.”

“Okay, okay. Jeez.”

Sam takes yet another bite and Dean should stop this, he knows. He really, really should-

“Isn’t that kinda cold, Sammy?”

“Yeah, but it’s still really good. Is there some kind of special sauce or something in this?”

“Y-you could say that.”

Dean watches as Cas curiously reaches out a finger and scoops up some of the residue left on the plate. The angel pops the finger into his mouth, and Dean finally loses it. He laughs so hard he has to hold his gut. His brother and their friend look at him, bewildered.

“Dean?”

“I don’t understand what’s so funny, Dean.”

“Nothin’- oh my god- absolutely nothing. Something- something I saw on TV earlier.”

Oh well, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?

“Gonna- go- shower-” Dean wheezes between chuckles. He leaves the kitchen and its confused occupants behind him.

All-in-all it’s been a really good day, he reflects, still shaking with laughter.

And what the hell. Maybe he’ll try it with a bacon cheeseburger next time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *So, basically, I want to see Dean fucking a burger. Not an anthropomorphized burger, not a person in a burger suit. An actual, honest-to-god, beef-and-cheese burger. Lots of talk about Dean gripping the burger around his cock, how hot and juicy it is. Maybe licking his fingers afterwards?
> 
> Bonus points if he jizzes in the burger and eats it/watches someone unwittingly eat it. I don't really care who eats it, but Sam or Cas would be great. Extra bonus points if they love the burger and ask about the ~secret sauce~. ([x](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/87399.html?thread=34166887#t34166887))


End file.
